Why did we pick Russia and not just adopt
here?
We got this one alot. We actually looked at the
US foster system and contacted several agencies about adoption. We were told that since we already had a biological child,
our wait would be 2 years or more. With the foster system, there were so many unknowns and such different information.
We did not feel comfortable with networking with an attorney and "advertising". We wanted to add to our family and though
we wanted an infant, they did not have to be a newborn (been there, done that!!!! :-) We were also concerned about the
process of open adoption for our family since we have a biological child. In the end, we decided that international adoption
was what God intended for our family. We choose Russian since we decided that we wanted a caucasion child.
How long did it take us?
From the day we decided on an agency and
started the paperwork until we came home with Gracie was 8.5 months. This included about 6 weeks of "down time" for both US
and Russian holidays. The other couple that traveled with us was 6 months from start to finish (they requested a boy, while
we requested a girl.....little longer). You may want to read my journal on the "story" page of this website for more specific
information.
Did we travel alone?
Our agency makes a point of sending more than one couple to the same region
at a time (whenever possible). This provides comfort and someone to spend time with during the "down time". CSS is also aware
that this is a stressful time, so each couple has their own driver and interpretor in the event that the couples want
to do different sightseeing events, etc. We traveled on both trips with another couple who we dearly love and will treasure
their friendship forever. In fact we plan to have our children together each July 21 to celebrate "gotcha day".
How much does it cost?
It really depends on your agency. The ones
we talked with ranged from $18,000 - $35, 000. Ours was just under $25,000. Our cost did include several days of being
in Moscow for touring. See the end of my journal on the "story" page for a table with the exact cost breakdown for our trip.
The agencies who we talked to with the cost under $20,000 did not always include travel expenses, etc. so be sure that you
are clear on what is provided :-). Many of the domestic agencies are also provided a "one time" fee since some of the domestic
adoptions "fail" and families have paid expenses and have no child. We were quoted between $ 25 - 30K for these type of fixed
domestic programs (of course many families do not have expenses nearly this high when all goes as planned with a birth mother).
Is there any financial assistance for international
adoption?
There are various programs
and funds out there but we did not pursue any of them. We were lucky to have been saving for some time and did not incur any
IVF expenses since we decided we were done with the "infertility thing". There is a $10K federal tax credit that we will be
elgible for on our 2003 taxes. We had offers from family and friends who ultimately donated money to the orphanage.
What was the travel to Russia like and how many trips?
We have traveled all over Europe and we are happy
to tell you that Moscow is one of our favorite cities. It is beautiful, cultural, and all together exciting. The museums and
tours were wonderful. Kaliningrad is also very pretty with a country feel and the Baltic coast is fabulous. The travel is
long but certainly not "scary". Russians are very kind and helpful people. We were met at the gate to exit from the
airport by our interpretor with a sign reading "The Behrs" and in their very capable the ENTIRE time. In fact we enjoyed all
the museums so much more since we had our own personal tour guide. We made 2 trips, the first was 9 days (but could have
been 6) and the second was 9 days. WE flew Delta on both occasions and it was great. We got "buddy passes" for the first trip
so we were in business class (AUHHHHH) and had the bulkhead seats for the second trip home. While the buddy passes were great,
it was stressful on the way over since you are always flying "standby". I would not recommend using them on the second trip
with your child, especially during peak season. I would encourage each of you to see as much as possible about your baby's
homeland. It is rich in history and beauty. We did try to learn a few key phrases and took a translation guide, but never
needed it. Please read over our journal for specific information about our trip.
How were the hotels and food in Russia?
We liked every place we stayed. The Rossiya with
the St. Basil view was our first (clean, comfortable, great view, right off Red Square). In Kalinigrad we stayed at the Choika
both trips, which is a converted german style B &B so quaint and quiet. We had a Junior suite on the first with a fridge
in the room and requested a suite on the second trip with an extra room so that Gracie could nap while we packed, etc. On
the return to Moscow, we found a great Stalin era hotel called the Sovietsky. It was gorgeous, very old world style with high
ceilings, piped music in the halls, and a great complimentary breakfast. It is connected to the famous YAR resturant with
gyspy music and shows at night (which we missed since we had the baby with us). We found the food to be very good. There is
alot of variety: Asian, American, Russian and even Mexican (though very expensive) in Moscow. We had excellent fresh fish
and traditional Russian meals while there. In Kaliningrad, there is really only Russian, pizza, and a few other choices but
really all of it was good.
How was the orphanage?
The baby home in Kaliningrad is located in the city
limits about 15 minutes from our hotel. It is old but very clean, in fact the floors and rooms were much cleaner than my house
at the moment. There was some renovation going on and a new roof had recently been put on. It is not air conditioned
(nothing really is in Kaliningrad) and there are no fans nor screens on the windows, but I do not think that really mattered
since Russians are very big on wrapping up those babies. Gracie had "layered up" in about 4 layers in 74 degree weather! The
director was hoping to put on screens this year since the mosquitos were pretty bad (though they do have these plug in things
like an air freshner that really zaps all the bugs). There were 10 babies in Gracie's room, each with their own crib which
is rotated on a weekly basis to ensure that each child gets time by the windows. There was also a large "play area" that have
been constructed so that the babies could play with mobiles, toys, and each other. All of the babies got formula and food
(potatos, veggies, etc.) that was cooked in the kitchen area of each room. It was all very clean and orderly. The children
at this orphanage got both music and PE time (they had this little "gym" area with large balls and walkers that the children
used every afternoon). Overall I was pretty amazed at the amount of stimulation, activity, holding time, and love that these
children got. All of the babies I saw were affectionate and happy. The workers there really do make alot with a little. They
truly love these children and many of them became very teary when it was time to for us to leave. Because of the proximity
to Europe, there has been alot of financial support for this area. We are happy to continue to support the orphanage in the
future.
What were the things that you
really needed to take?
Adapator/convertor, umbrella stroller (very expensive
in Kaliningrad), travel packs of tissue for MANY uses, wipes (both trips for quick wash-ups, childrens meds (tylenol or motrin,
cold meds, motrin for us), COMFORTABLE SHOES (forget fashion, the streets and sidewalks are cracked, full of holes, and I
am really clumsy so wear tennis shoes or other really flat comfortable shoes), Bring clothes that are easily layered since
the weather changes quickly, Woolite and Fabreeze with a travel iron, very few clothes (we worn more than once and rinsed
out, I actually took some older clothes and just left them there on both trips), camera (regular, digital, and video...a pain
but used them all!!!), extra film and disposable camera (they do not have anything like that in K'grad) to leave at the orphanage
for pictures while were between trips.....PRICELESS PICS!
We did not need diapers, formula, baby food, water, or really snacks
since our drivers always took us to the store at any time to stock up. All of this is readily available in Moscow and K'grad.
We had a crib in Moscow (hotel provided but agency also had if needed) and used a large rolling suitcase (well padded) in
K'grad.
What all do you know about the baby and the circumstances surrounding
her adoption?
We got this (still do) quite often. In talking with our agency and researching
adoption, it is really recommended that the intimate details of the birth family should NOT be discussed with friends and
family so that the child will have the opportunity to hear about their history directly from you. The agency talked about
how an innocent conversation among family might be overheard by the adopted or other children, which may be confusing or even
unsettling. In our case, we do have quite a bit of information realted to the birth family but have decided to abide by the
recommendations of our agency and not really discuss it. We just tell family and friends about the recommendation, and they
are all fine with it..... still very curious, but understanding.
What is the most important advice you can give us?
I really like this question because
it is really simple... ATTITUDE. You have to really have a good attitude, relax, and roll with the process. Try to see the
good in everything and treat everyone you meet with kindness and respect. The culture there is different and you
may not agree with or understand why but you are a visitor in their country.....Remember "when in Rome". Everyone
there will make sure that in in the end this is successful and though there may be "bumps in the road", the journey is so
worth it.
I know that some people do not
really like the pregnancy metaphor, but it is really so true. The waiting time at home is the pregnancy, the "call" is the
water breaking, the travel is the labor (really cool that hubby got to experience all this WITH me this time!!! ) and the
delivery is meeting your precious child. As with pregnancy, it cannot be rushed, there are unexpected things that happen,
there may even be "complications", but in the end you are a parent. Be gracious and thankful to all those that help you complete
this journey.
What did you take in terms of gifts for everyone
in Russia?
We did not take anything on the
first trip since we had so many medical donations with us. While we tried to "get a feel" for what items might be appreciated,
in the end we just went with a variety of things. Kitchen towels, pretty hand towels, instant coffee, "chip clips", books
for the interpretors (got Readers Digest since there are 3-4 stories per book), local "Bull Dawg" t-shirts, post cards, watches
for the administrative staff, nice pen sets, and a thank you note written by my 6 year old translated in Russian. Overall
we spent about $20 per person. We give the actual caregivers in the nursery with some nice things but honestly they are so
underpaid, we left them a small gift of $10 each in the thank you notes. I know that this is not encouraged however we really
felt that was the best gift for them. We took gift bags and tissue paper there and put the bags together once we got there.
You can get some really inexpensive gift bags at ABC (see links page).
How do you plan to keep some of Gracie's Russian
heritage?
Great Question!! First, we brought back lots
of items that are displayed in our home. We are especially proud of the beautiful St. Basils watercolor that we bought in
the subway station (go figure!). We also bought many ornaments, so many in fact that we have enough for both Caroline and
Gracie to open one each Christmas eve to place on the tree. Over time they will each have a nice collection that will become
theirs. I bought them each a beautiful amber necklace for when they are older. As you can tell from the pictures we also purchased
a couple of authentic Russian dresses which I will eventually "shadow box" when they are too little for them. We bought a
small bottle of Kaliningrad vodka which will be opened and shared on Gracie's wedding day or graduation (not sure which).
Lastly, we plan to learn as much about Russia as we can. We hope to return when Gracie is old enough to understand her roots.
We are very proud to have a daughter from such a wonderful country.
